When I leave, what’s left?

I’ve been thinking about the impact people have on each other.  Recently I observed a team which appeared unable to perform as a cohesive unit.  Some members engaged in disruptive behaviour, and this affected those attempting to work well.  The negative performance of the unofficial leader was overwhelming .  The team’s focus disintegrated and on the surface seemed determined to destroy itself and not achieve its goal.  What was the root problem?

Reflecting on the team’s performance I realised that the members had not started out with the intention to fail.  They appeared to have looked forward to the opportunity presented.  It was the team director’s contribution which had been divisive.  He expressed negative concerns about their abilities and the motivations of particular individuals.  These concerns expressed in the presence of the team had been like a bomb.  It was dropped, he left and the team had to deal with the fallout.  They sat in the mire of individual anger and resentment, rather than focussed on giving an effective contribution.  

So, I ask myself, what’s my  impact on other people?  Are their tools blunted or sharpened by my contribution?  What’s my input’s  influence on their performance?  When I leave what’s left?

Pass the Parcel

The children, under their teacher’s guidance, play pass the parcel.  As it goes round, anticipation and excitement shine in their eyes. They’re totally connected with and committed to the possibility within it.  Someone is going to get the reward and ‘Me’ is the person in each mind.  Several decide to slow down the process, hoping their moment for glory has arrived.  It hasn’t.   As the music stops for the final time someone prizes the last layer from the seductive bundle.  A sense of unfairness rises within those who have touched the package, but ultimately not the reward.  Tears witness one child’s sense of loss while the teacher demonstrates celebration of another’s success.   The key thing is that none have withdraw from the activity.  They’ve  remained in the hope of being the one to hold the trophy.  

We can do everything we know how to be present for ‘that’ chance, and yet it may bypass us, it's evasion seeming unfair.   The resultant bitterness steeped in disappointment beckons our withdrawal.  But consider the possibility that the parcel’s contents might not have been quite right for you.  How are you dealing with the frustration?  How are you preparing for the right opening? 

Time to say “Goodbye”

Everything, whether frail or robust, new or deep-rooted, good or bad ends at some point.  The moments leading to and coming from the finish hold the opportunity to say goodbye.  Goodbyes are generally said with sorrow, as we mourn the passing of who and what was.  We come away determined in our mind to cherish the times shared with them.  We remember events that positively impacted us, and wonder if we can ever enjoy such sweetness again.  We recall with longing those seasons and relationships  which, through separation and departure, are no longer a source of pleasure. 

Yet goodbyes can also be joyful.  When we think of release, new freedoms, new openings, new beginnings, and new discoveries hope is ignited.  Goodbye signals what is final, yet it’s also a clarion calling our attention to what could and might be – if we’re prepared to allow it.  Goodbye must be said if you want to navigate and delight in new adventures. 

Each of us knows where and to what our  goodbye is directed.  Whatever the circumstance in which you’re saying it, look forward with renewed optimism.  Your better will, and has to come.  Goodbye heralds its beginning.

Stop, Look, Listen

Watching a television programme recently, one of the articles was about the green cross code.  Invented and intended to help reduce and stop untimely deaths, it’s saved many lives.  The message, “Stop, Look, Listen” remains the same, no matter which characters or the medium used; from a puppet squirrel, to lately, posters of young models in death poses.  The mantra reminds children and adults to be careful about their navigation of what were relatively empty, but are now very busy roads. 

The “Stop, Look, Listen” concept can be applied to all aspects of life.  We become busy with meeting looming deadlines, managing pressurised relationships, pushing against tired bodies and minds.   We barely take the time to stop what we’re doing for a while, to look at where we’re heading, or listen to what is happening around and inside us.  We’re often going somewhere but not where we intended; admitting it feels like failure.  It might be, but it's also an opportunity.   An opening to take stock, decide if “this” is really what you want to be doing, to raise antennas to gain new and better direction.  It will pay off in the long run.